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November 26, 2023Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes*
The next chapter arrived for me last month when I parted ways with my company after 12 years. It wasn’t long after I wrote my last blog post, “Going Through Changes“. I don’t believe in coincidences. I heard someone say that once and adopted it, mainly because I lean towards it as a truth. Deep down, part of me knew change was coming when I wrote the piece.
In mid-October, I stopped full-time employment. I’ve worked for exactly 50 years, having left school at 16, gone straight to work, and stayed in employment throughout. Do you think that a 50-year-long routine suddenly ending can throw up a lot of turmoil? You’re damn right. Some days, I wake up lost, panicking at an endless expanse of nothing to do. Is this the next chapter? Feeling lost, lacking self-worth, and worrying about money now my hunter-gatherer days are over? Am I now just hanging onto life, a marginalised figure stripped of his identity, which for so long was “what I do” rather than “who I am”? Some days, I wake up excited that the old constraints have evaporated, leaving me to explore new ideas. On those days, I felt liberated and invigorated about all the new aspects of life I could pursue in this next chapter. A feeling of freedom, of not carrying the weight of responsibility and other people’s projections onto me. Someone said, “You will find yourself busy doing all the things you have never had time to do”. That struck me as a neat soundbite, but there’s a catch. I haven’t yet figured out what all these things are.
Some Things’ll Never Change**
The next chapter has some clear characteristics already. I’ve always been curious since I was a small boy. I’ve always been a dreamer, too. That hasn’t changed for me. I’m not one to mope and say, “If only.” I learned from my skirmishes with depression and anxiety that every minute spent ruminating is not only a minute wasted but it’s also another log on the fire of mental health problems. Move on. A very fine man once told me, “Steve, don’t you be a woulda, coulda, shoulda kind of a guy; it just doesn’t suit you.” The older I get, the more I realise his wisdom is priceless.
I feel simultaneously lost, sad, and excited. No one leaves something that’s been a blast without some tinge of sadness. Yet the gift of change is renewal, new opportunity, and new learning. Hence my excitement.
The hard yards have been ground out over decades: long weeks, long hours, never enough downtime or holiday taken. Sometimes, I lost sight of myself in that. Dealing with life change, illness, painful injury, but all the time doing those hard yards. That chapter of my book is certainly closed. The next chapter will be written to stimulate my brain from many angles. Still very busy, but with a broader array of interests.
It Took So Long To Realise***
It took so long to realise I needed to find my way home to myself. But I got there. I got there despite the obstacles. I got there because I knew that a better version of me awaited somewhere. I’ve always been determined, stubborn, or both. From an early age, when my mind was set, it was set. And that mindset led me to stick to the mission to find me, the real me.
Therefore, I go into the next chapter feeling excited and renewed. I know what I’m good at and not good at. The patterns of curiosity and intellectual challenge bring me satisfaction. I am at ease with my constant need to move forward. I am more accepting of myself and shorn of self-loathing. The inner voices quieted.
Renewal has extended into my physical being, too. My rehabilitation from my cycling accident has morphed into a 100-day-long streak of daily exercise, and I feel and look different. I even walk a little differently, more at ease, not apologising for my presence in the world.
Bring It On
We are only here for a short period. If we drop our self-importance, we are only a blip on the wave patterns that circulate the universe. Man makes plans, and God laughs, it’s said. So, I won’t regret, ruminate, or say “if only” about any part of my 66 years. Life is not supposed to be fair, and I’m not sure where we humans get that arrogant notion. Take what life brings and keep moving forward.
That’s my plan. That’s how I’m approaching the next chapter. While I’ve beaten the tenuous link between my changes and song lyrics to death, I will finish with one more fragment of a song which has been almost a life mantra for me:
“Cause people often talk about being scared of changeBut for me I’m more afraid of things staying the sameCause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long“
Nick Cave; Jesus Of The Moon
* from the track Changes on the Hunky Dory album, written and produced by David Bowie.
** from Changes, compiled from unreleased material after 2Pac’s death.
*** from Changes by Black Sabbath; the Ozzie Osbourne version of the band. [...]
October 8, 2023I’m Going Through Changes. Take the time to listen to Charles Bradley sing this great version, while I write about change. Does anyone care to guess who wrote this song? Answer at the end.
Change is a given in our lives. The more changes I go through, the more I realise it’s wise to accept and embrace it. In the past, I attempted to convince myself that I was always changing. I know that’s not true now.
I have selectively changed things and moved on in new directions. Yet many things have stayed constant. An anchor of certainty, as I transformed other areas of my life or pursuits. Risk has been something I have embraced, and even though it hasn’t always worked out, that characteristic has not been dampened. Uncertainty and ambiguity have been constant and welcome companions. But true personal change has not been easy.
Control What You Can
What about when uncontrolled change happens? The uncontrollable parts of life. There is a tendency for the uncontrollable to be less positive, too. My acceptance of these changes has become more rounded as life has moved on. When I was young, negative events happened to me, and, as to be expected, they were tough to deal with. They had a profound impact on my character and the way I looked at the world. It took a long time to put them in the correct context in my psyche.
What about the things that perhaps you can control? Please don’t convince yourself that your life is out of your control. The sirens of despair can pull you onto the rocks, leaving you shipwrecked and living a grey and joyless life. Please don’t fall for it. Please. We can all make changes, regardless of our circumstances.
I can hear someone expressing I have a privileged life, and perhaps I do. But my argument isn’t about comparing my life to yours or anyone else’s. Possibly the most powerful text I have read is Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Read the book.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning. 1946.
The First Step Is Tough
Far too many years elapsed before I addressed my psychological struggles. That’s understandable. Going through changes, I would guess, is impossible until acceptance of change being needed is faced head-on. But it’s not easy. Not many of us take the step of, for example, meeting a psychotherapist. The fortunate don’t need to. But countless more people engage in avoidance or fallacious inner arguments about why they don’t need to. Many more people slowly drown in an unconsciously hum-drum stable existence that reinforces the inner barrier to engaging with the real self.
Why would one not want to explore more on our inner self? Because it’s complex. It can be extremely painful. And it may expose something we don’t like about ourselves. We, humans, like to convince ourselves we are okay or correct, and the rest of the world needs to change. Going through changes – our changes – are scary. That’s why many people prefer to stay the same.
Reconciliation and Self-Compassion
Reconciliation with the self is a great healer and a platform for perceiving ourselves and others differently. Getting to that stage was hard for me. Painful at times. I had to look at myself in the metaphorical mirror and admit my failings. Self-confess to my mistakes. That took time. Tough but ultimately rewarding and a platform for personal growth.
The biggest trap? I could not see the positives in me. All I could see were the negative aspects of my being. Self-loathing was the predominant, almost unconscious, behaviour I had to recognise and then deal with. No amount of apologising to people in my life and no amount of post-rationalisation helped me. Until I realised that going through changes meant listening to everyone around me, and not just focusing on the negative people.
A therapist I work with introduced self-compassion into my mental frameworks. It was tough for me. In a joint exercise with her, I had to write positive words and phrases about myself. It was one of the toughest things I have done, and after the session, I put the notebook away for a long time.
Hearing positive things about me was hard. Accepting a compliment has always been difficult, often provoking a physical response in me. Reconciling with myself has allowed me to listen to all around me. It’s stopped me from ruminating on perceived mistakes and offences caused to people around me.
But eventually, I went to the notebook again, introducing some of the words into my meditation practices.
What’s With All The Me, Me, Me?
Well? I hope that you are open to going through changes of your own. I tell my story and hope it helps your challenge in some way. Going through changes can be tough, and it can take time. It did for me. But the prize is beyond words. Being able to see the world in IMAX colour is a treasure. Engaging with people and the world around me differently and positively. Dropping many of the old negative scripts and behaviours. The self-loathing inner talk which ran around the clock in my head has quieted. If I can address my inner self, you can too.
Going Through Changes. Try It
Going through changes. Take the first step. Talk to a friend or family member. If that’s too hard, talk to yourself in the mirror. Uttering the words that you want to change brings it to life. The steps can be tiny. It can take months or even longer, but no matter. As long as the intent is there, all is well.
You will surprise yourself. See yourself in new and different ways. Be kinder to yourself. Show some self-compassion. Unburden yourself from some of the negative thoughts our environment has laden us with. Most of all, understand that you can control key aspects of your life and make positive steps towards new beginnings.
I’m Going Through Changes was written by Black Sabbath, the Ozzy Osbourne version of the band. [...]
August 22, 2023Living Proof
Use it or lose it. That’s a fact when it comes to muscle mass, fitness, mobility and general physical wellbeing. And the older you get – and I include you Ms/Mr Forty-Something – the bigger an issue it becomes.
Today is 12 weeks since an accident that put me in a critical care ward with 14 fractures and a damaged lung. I was out after 12 days, but movement was limited. Physio started in mid-June. At the end of July, I rode a bike gently for the first time. I also went to the gym and did dumbbell bench presses with 2kg weights, plus some limited lower body work.
Rolling forward to late August. I find a twenty-mile gentle cycle challenging, but at least I’m rolling. At home, I can do my ATG workout with my physio, and I have returned to the gym a couple more times.
I’m blowing on the bike. That is to be expected. The delayed onset muscle soreness can continue for days with the strength and mobility work. Again, to be expected. I have moderate osteoarthritis in my knees. That is letting itself be known as being not only on the guest list but in the VIP area. My mobility has regressed, and a 15-year-old issue with a protruding disk in my thoracic spine is back.
On the one hand, I’m frustrated with my progress. On the other hand, I’m told I am well ahead of expectations on the rehabilitation timeline.
Using it meant a strong recovery. But losing it became much quicker than I expected. The decline in mass shocked me after only ten days. Use it or lose it has never been more poignant for me.
Keep Moving
The human body is designed to move and move daily, and my body demonstrated that after only 12 days in hospital. Use it or lose it is not a throwaway line. It’s a mandate. From your thirties, you will lose muscle mass between 3% and 8% per decade. So you can stop sniggering at the old guy now. Because it’s happening to you if you’re not doing something about it.
In one’s 60s, the rate of loss accelerates. Muscle mass, strength, and function all reduce. Sadly, some body mass is replaced by fat, and I have always been predisposed to obesity. When I left the hospital a few weeks ago, I looked like a boiled egg with cocktail sticks for limbs. Such was the rate of muscle mass degeneration and my increasing gut.
There’s a risk of insulin resistance increasing, although my blood measures say I’m all good for now. Joint mobility can reduce, and I buy into that. It is a genuine challenge for me. Bone density can reduce, and also a small height reduction can take place. I know the last item hasn’t hit me yet, as I got under the measuring stick in my May medical. People, you need to use it or lose it, adopt it as a mantra.
Slowing The Biological Clock
I was an average athlete at best in my youth and even into my thirties. I mean measurably average when put through any train-to-failure protocol on the Wattbike. Anytime I made the grade in any event or sport as a youth was down to bloody-mindedness. The head telling the body who was the boss.
In my early fifties, it was crunch time for me. My weight had risen above 250 pounds, and I was taking no exercise. Add to that me paying no attention to diet and tipping too much red wine and beer down my gullet. I had entered the classic 50s killing fields phase. I know that my family succumb to this. My obese uncle died of a cardiovascular event at only 48. Parents and grandparents had poor health too. A family firmly in the ‘three score and ten’ longevity league. In several cases with health being poor in the last decade.
I realised all was not well with my mental health at this age. Stressed and depressed, and something was burning inside of me. I started therapy and found it challenging. But hard was good for me. My proactive approach to health became broader, and I returned to cycling, having given it up 20 years previously. My garage found room for an Olympic weight set, bench, and squat stand. The roots of my use it or lose it philosophy were laid down in those years.
Building A Base
Over the last 15 years, I’ve built a fitness base of sorts. I bought a bike (and then another, and another, but that’s a separate story!) Sometimes I’ve been consistent. Sometimes I’ve ebbed and flowed depending on how life has treated me. But I have kept building.
It’s kept me sane sometimes, even if only allowing me to lose myself in my thoughts, given the focus needed to train right. It has resulted in my annual medical checks demonstrating that it makes a real-world difference to my health.
I remain an average athlete. Yet the secret sauce is my still exercising while my contemporaries have largely knocked serious exercise on the head. If they ever started it. My gym performances remain average, although I can deadlift strongly for some reason. Odd, given my long levers.
On a bike, my FTP or power-to-weight ratio is average. Again, I have an outlier: I’m in the top 10% of athletes of my age for a Garmin-calculated VO2. Now I know it’s not that scientific, it’s derived from power and heart rate. But it’s measured against a vast pool of athletes, so it’s a good data set. And it’s a relative measure – I can see it improving or decreasing.
Facing The Competition
I’m always fronting up to the competition. Because it’s me. I set myself big and small targets and chase them. They are never soft targets because I’m tough on myself. I have annual targets and will declare them. I have inner targets that wouldn’t make sense to others, but I nail those too.
In facing the competition, I’ve achieved some things that are important to me. Gran Fondos in New York and Italy stand out as I hit my target times. A brutal sportive in Wales. Moving 165kgs of deadlift in my 60s, which is decent for my age group. Having the age group lap record on Regents Park right now.
I face the competition each day, it’s the man in the mirror, and he doesn’t cut me much slack. He has always known this is a use it or lose it game.
VMM
My own experience has been to focus on having a strong VO2 and decent muscle mass. It’s all relative, I hasten to add; I have never been muscular. I know I can push myself hard, resulting in a decent VO2. Joint mobility and muscle flexibility have also become important in the last ten years. I can touch my toes better now than 15 years ago. But looking out at the next 15 years or so of my training, my attention will be firmly on my VMM triumvirate.
VO2
The body of scientific work showing the positive effect of cardiovascular fitness on healthy ageing is substantial. The quote below is from a study of 122,00 older adults. In all groups, including the 70 years and older participants, improved stress test performance resulted in better longevity outcomes. The study shows hard exercise results in a higher quality of life.
“Cardiorespiratory fitness is inversely associated with long-term mortality with no observed upper limit of benefit. Extremely high aerobic fitness was associated with the greatest survival and was associated with benefit in older patients and those with hypertension. Cardiorespiratory fitness is a modifiable indicator of long-term mortality, and health care professionals should encourage patients to achieve and maintain high levels of fitness.”
October 19, 2018Association of Cardiorespiratory Fitness With Long-term Mortality Among Adults Undergoing Exercise Treadmill TestingKyle Mandsager, MD1; Serge Harb, MD1; Paul Cremer, MD1; et al
Peter Attia does a great job of explaining the data in a podcast you can find here. If I give you this soundbite, you will understand the importance of improving VO2 – “If you then go from low to above average, it’s about a 60% or 70% reduction in mortality. If you compare someone of low fitness to elite, it is a five-fold difference in mortality over a decade.”
Muscle Mass And Strength
Both of these factors become increasingly important as you age. Numerous studies show that increased muscle mass can significantly improve longevity. See here and here.
The benefits go beyond reducing frailty and falls. Improved muscle mass also positively affects bone density and reduces the risk of chronic diseases, including heart, type 2 diabetes, arthritis, and osteoporosis. Non-physiological benefits such as better sleep and a lowering tendency to depression can also occur.
Research shows that not just muscle mass provides benefits but also muscle strength. See studies here and here as a jumping-off point for further research. Interestingly, the positive benefits are the same whether quadricep or grip strength is measured.
We must understand that training 2-3 times a week is needed, and it should be consistent. This is a marathon, not a sprint, as evidenced by positive improvements in athletes in their 70s and 80s.
I have been guilty of missing too many strength sessions, and it’s one with fewer excuses than most exercises. You can do an intense workout with zero equipment at home. Use it or lose it. If you don’t use those muscles and use them regularly, the effects will be much more than cosmetic.
Mobility
The apparent benefit of joint mobility and muscle flexibility is the reduced risk of falls. Falling is the leading contributor to death for the 65 and over age group. But it goes deeper than that; as the lower mobility becomes, the more physiological and mental health is adversely affected.
Much of the text frames mobility as a lack of getting around through walking or simple tasks such as standing or sitting. I frame it as joint and muscle mobility and flexibility, as when these decline, overall mobility becomes adversely affected quite quickly.
My experience is that reduced mobility through a period of inactivity increases discomfort from old injuries and where chronic diseases start to rear their heads. The osteoarthritis in my knees is an excellent example of this. Undoubtedly, the range of motion reduces and pain increases after as little as a week of no exercise. My joints need blood flow and synovial fluid movement to operate effectively.
Again I would hasten to add this isn’t exclusively for older people like me. If you’ve ever made an audible sound when sitting in a chair, or rising from it again, think about your mobility. Yes, you know who you are.
Nutrition
Losing Isn’t Easy
The hard part of use it or lose it for me. I know what I should do and have access to the very best in performance nutrition. But bad habits die hard; by this, I mean bad habits that trace back to my childhood. As I mentioned earlier, there is a tendency to be overweight on one side of my familial line, and I certainly have that tendency.
This isn’t helped by me having the sweetest of sweet tooths. I never saw an ice cream I didn’t like. And in my youth, the confectioners of Lancashire built their fortunes on the removal of any money I may have had.
My last full medical was in May this year, and it was overwhelmingly positive, with one exception. “Lose five centimetres from your waist.” Even my body fat was within the acceptable limit for once. But the belly is still there and has stubbornly refused to move. I remember my arsehole of a father mocking me for it at the age of thirteen.
Gut fat is not healthy fat. Much of it is visceral fat, which is more dangerous to health, It’s tough to shift too, and I’m living testament to that. But I can’t have “lose five centimetres” dogging my otherwise clean scorecard.
Diets Don’t Work
Here’s a piece of hard learning. Diets do not work. The only time something worked for me was a calorie restriction regime in my forties that dropped me from 245 pounds to 170 pounds. It probably ended up as an eating disorder, and I looked dreadful.
I have tried them all. Low sugar. Low fat. Ketogenic. High protein. The aforementioned borderline disorder. Intermittent fasting. They can all work for a period, but without exception; they are emotional misery and hard to adhere to. I became a keto warrior at one stage – I love meat, eggs, and bacon; how can this not work? Trust me; you can get tired of any diet. I got very tired of the fanatical attitude of the keto warriors.
These diets rely on calorie restriction, whether you realise it or not. By the time your breath and urine stinks and you can’t stand the sight of another rasher of bacon, it also becomes apparent you are eating less than 2,000 calories a day. As I’ve aged, I have realised that it’s an infernal misery to have a daily diet that revolves around taking something away. A denial of a food group or one of the key pillars of protein, carbohydrate, or fat.
Protein Is Central
If you want to adhere to a use it or lose it approach, then this is a crucial element. A globally-regarded exercise physiologist of my acquaintance, Professor James Morton, tells me that I should consume 2 grams of protein for every kilogram of body weight. That’s 200 grams for me, and that’s a lot of protein. I have been giving it a good tilt recently and am convinced it has been a major part of my recovery from multiple fractures.
Protein should be at the centre of every meal, at least 25 grams of it. And the rest of the plate should be colourful. If your meals look brown or beige too often, then your version of the five centimetres around the waist will likely hang around.
Hitting a good quality protein shake in the morning and a slow-release casein protein at night takes care of 60 grams of the target, and three decent meals should get you to 150 grams. The big weakness I have is the snacks between meals. I’ve trained myself reasonably well to have a couple of low-carb protein bars as snacks during the day, and that gets me to my overall target.
Supplements
Are supplements expensive urine? Possibly. But it won’t stop me from supplementing my diet; if it helps a little, then that’s fine for me. I want to build my foundation on good food, but intelligent supplementation can provide an edge, whether it’s for immune support or to support muscle growth.
My absolute number one supplement is Creatine Monohydrate, which has more positive published research than any other supplement. The evidence is clear that it can help build strength and lean muscle mass and help the athlete recover more quickly. While it is available in protein-rich meat, poultry, and fish, supplementing with a good quality Creatine powder can boost performance.
I use a good quality Collagen powder as my next supplement. It’s a protein, although not a complete protein, but 10% of muscle tissue comprises Collagen. It can help with Creatine synthesis and therefore be a powerful assist to lean muscle-building efforts. In addition, it is a potent ally in keeping your bone and joint health in good shape, and there is credible science to support this supplement. It has a second benefit in helping athletes recover from muscle injuries.
If you are serious about use it or lose it, then Creatine and Collagen must be on your daily supplement list.
My other supplements are high-potency Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin K2. The latter is aimed at cardiovascular health in that it assists in controlling calcium deposits in arteries, something a 2019 scan showed me to have. I throw in a good Multi-Vitamin as a “just in case.”
Stress Management
It seems odd to include stress management in the nutrition section. But if you are suffering from chronic stress, it can upset various hormones and subsequently trigger several diseases. High Cortisol – the stress hormone – can trigger blood sugar and blood pressure, induce systemic inflammation, and disturb sleep. Here’s a good study on the subject.
I take a battery of blood tests twice a year, and until recently, high Cortisol has been my only out of healthy range marker. I embraced a range of mental wellness techniques to help manage my stress. Talking therapy, journaling, daily meditation, and natural sleep aids like Valerian. Just taking the time to slow for a moment and take stock can make a huge difference.
I’m open to new thinking in the mental wellness space and have just started to use a Sensate in conjunction with meditation, given its claim to help regulate the Vagus nerve, which controls both “fight or flight” and “rest and digest” states.
Hell, I carry a Pocket Angel on some days if I’m feeling a little edgy. I put it in the palm of my hand and focus on it when I need to ground myself in a self-aware moment. I’ve had the piss taken out of me for that one, and I would guess the people who did so haven’t faced up to themselves thus far.
Don’t underestimate stress if you are looking to build a solid use it or lose it approach to health. Mind and body are intrinsically linked. And remember, exercise is a great way to shed stress as my 2019 blog outlined.
Use It Or Lose It – Bringing It Together
I’ve thrown a lot of different ideas on the page in this blog about developing a use it or lose it approach to health. But in reality, it’s pretty simple –
The evidence that exercise is a valuable lifelong pursuit is not for debate. Get out there and walk, run, cycle, lift, or whatever takes your fancy. Keep pushing.
Take note of my VMM considerations laid out earlier in the blog and build your plan on strength, VO2, and base fitness work
While it’s not everyone’s go-to, there is no doubt that doing all we can to reduce muscle mass wastage is at the top of the exercise list. You don’t need to be Arnold, but it’s good to have resistance training as a central pillar of your health regime
Eat more protein. Cut out the sugary snacks, Have a limited list of good supplements to your cleaned-up diet. Make sure that Creatine and Collagen are in there.
Manage your stress and try to sleep for 7-8 hours.
More than anything, be consistent.
My 365 Challenge
I’m a huge fan of super endurance athlete Ross Edgley and am proud to call him a friend. He’s more than simply a record-setting athlete because he deeply understands sports science, given his education and natural curiosity.
The photo above features Sir Chris Hoy, another friend who has massively inspired me on my journey. When the pressure is on, Chris invariably tells me, “Trust the process.” And as a six-time Olympic gold medal winner, the advice should be heeded. In the centre, next to me, Lady Velo, aka Jools Walker, a great change maker in UK cycling. And Ross on the right of the photograph.
Ross has authored several books, and my favourite is “Blueprint: Build a Bulletproof Body for Extreme Adventure in 365 Days.” I read it and thought, “if only I were an athlete like Ross, this would be perfect.”
But it has become apparent to me that a 365 plan is not a mad idea but a necessity. The negative changes in my physiology over the last 12 weeks have been scary—loss of muscle mass, the addition of fat, and pain in various joints. The human body is meant to move, so I’m going to move it and move it every day.
Former boxer and now a trainer and television pundit Dave Coldwell has come through for me with personal support over the last three years. He has hammered into me to do something every day. Do one press-up when you get out of bed, preferably do ten. But do something, and it will spark both body and mind into life. It has changed my whole perspective on the day before me more than once.
Returning to my VMM triangle from earlier in the blog. I need to do something for my VO2 each week. I need to prioritise muscle mass over endurance work. And I must remain mobile. Therefore, given Ross and Dave’s philosophies and my learning, it must be possible to craft something.
Travel can get in the way—or fatigue or illness. Or generally not feeling like it. Yet I have never finished any exercise session and thought, “I wish I hadn’t done that.” My endorphins always send me that small tingle of “well done.”
Structuring The Work
I think a week can look like –
Two days where I do VO2-based work. These don’t have to be long sessions but must bring some intensity to the game. Tuesday morning hot laps with the guys, an interval session on the indoor bike, or a jog on Hampstead Heath with 20kgs in my TRX Weighted Vest.
Two to three days of strength training. I can do that in any decent gym, either my home facility of Gymbox, or a hotel gym when travelling. Ben Patrick’s body weight ATG sessions will give anyone a good strength session in the absence of either.
Two days on endurance and mobility. A long weekend ride with the cycling guys at ChainGang Cyclists and a social ride on Friday.
Mobility sessions can be done before or after any of the above sessions.
You Always Overtrain
Yes I do. I’ve never been much of an athlete but I can drive myself on. And we all know that recovery is vital, and the older we get, the more crucial it becomes. Therefore I need to be sensible. Sometimes the best interval is the one you don’t do. And sometimes, the best rep is the one you leave on the gym floor.
I must unlearn bad habits, and overtraining is one. I miscalculate, for example, how much a set of heavy deadlifts take out of the central nervous system, not to say the muscle fibres. Work hard, but don’t consistently overstress the system. Too much adrenal stress and systemic inflammation will be a blocker.
Enough Of The Chat – Use It Or Lose It
It’s time to crack on. Even though I’m on a beach holiday in Palma, Mallorca, and my recovery is still in progress, 22nd August 2023 is Day 4. I’ve done press-ups and body weight squats and flexibility work in my hotel room. There is no gym nearby, I have no equipment with me, and there are no excuses. There is always a way to get it done.
The body of scientific research underlines the benefits of my approach. I have no desire to live forever, but I do wish to live my life fully for its duration. I’ve seen what chronic illness has done to family and friends, and in all cases, the outcomes could have been affected positively by this adopting this use it or lose it approach.
Final thought? It’s not too early to start. If you are in your forties, I strongly advise you to consider this approach. And it’s never too late to start either; that has been proven too. So what are you waiting for? [...]
August 13, 2023I’m A Pensioner
Life comes at you fast. Yes, sir, it does. My invitation to get my State Pension arrived today. Life comes at you quickly. I remember my first day at primary school with clarity. Oddly I remember that day better than when I turned 20, 30, or 40. I remember being 50 and not being enamoured. 60 was pretty cool. Indeed my 60s, despite some challenges, have been hugely enjoyable.
Please do not call me “66 years young”, or say “Age is just a number”, or ask me, “What are you doing now you’re retiring?” or “How will you use your well-earned spare time?” You can kill me on the spot if you see me with a golf club. Or going up the gangplank onto a cruise ship, again, kill me.
Retirement is a concept that does not resonate with me. My strongest desire is to nurture my ikigai, to have meaning in life. I have enough self-knowledge to realise that having no reason to rise from bed daily won’t sit well with my mental or physical health.
Finding Peace
Recently I have told people close to me that I’m at peace with myself. I didn’t think I would ever achieve that state of internal harmony. I’ve waged an internal war against myself for so much of my life. Low esteem and an almost burning anger at myself for my failure as a human being. Weapons-grade self-loathing is a speciality of mine.
Thankfully I have had the drive to explore that. Sometime in my early 50s, I went to therapy for the first time. Goodness knows why I waited so long. I suspect it was fear of what I may find out about myself. I’ve had talking therapy with four different practitioners for nine years in total. I have had cognitive behavioural therapy and am reaching my third year of regularly consulting with a psychiatrist.
That’s not a ‘poor me’ list; it’s a timeline of my determination to understand myself and seek a more peaceful place for me and the people I care about.
Therapy works if you keep your mind open and don’t give up for real or imagined reasons. One of the tragedies of our healthcare system is that access to such treatment is difficult to access. Given the increasing level of mental health issues in society, I hope the situation can improve.
I’m rambling now, probably because of the fear of having nothing to do with my life.
Not Working
Two years ago, I told anyone who would listen that I wanted to work forever. I was almost certainly talking to myself. To help me conquer the fear of the wilderness of irrelevance that stretched out so far, I could see the earth’s curvature.
I’m now excited about not working. It links closely to me finding my peace. I no longer feel defined by a conventional job and the influence and reward that come with it. It’s important to be alert, as while life comes at you fast, there are so many opportunities to learn and to grow.
A short story of relevance in the context of the working environment. I worked for a very large corporation back in the day and held a senior position. People wanted to talk to me, to curry favour; would I be the one who could help them gain that next step on the ladder?
I left and was invited to a rugby game with my former colleagues. I stood with a former peer of mine, and the ambitious talent crowded around us. My colleague drifted off to talk to another guest. The ambitious crowd evaporated within three minutes. I finished my beer and went home. That’s corporate influence for you. Fleeting as morning dew on a leaf.
That has played on my mind over the years. How quickly you become irrelevant. Without work, what would become of me? I know the answer, and I cannot wait to embrace it.
The Next Chapter
I’ve got several pursuits planned for the day conventional work ends. But I must put my wife, family, and friends first and continue to look after my fitness, mental and physical health. Accepting life comes at you fast, I want to age healthily. Simply ageing won’t do.
I’ve been a massive fan of Damon Turner’s work with Los Angeles Bike Academy. He is the driving force behind a charity that gives young people the chance to learn a trade, in this case, in the cycling industry. In addition, the bike shop the charity operates from is the base for an increasingly successful junior racing team.
Item one for me is to set up and develop London Bike Academy. Anything to help under-served young athletes get a chance. That’s something new I can bring to the city.
I’m keen to look at establishing an operation which can help young people access mental health counselling and potentially mentoring. I’ve experienced the isolation a mental health issue can present. It’s a brutal truth that access to support is very thin on the ground.
There’s a greater than even chance I will refresh my education in Clinical Organisational Psychology, something I studied at INSEAD many years ago. It was fascinating, and sharpening those skills cannot harm me.
What Advice Can I Pay Forward?
People who say, “Live each day as though it’s your last” are nobheads. You’ll be tired and wired the whole damn time. There’s nothing wrong with an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food and an afternoon of binge-watching Better Call Saul. It’s good for the soul. Life comes at you fast, but that doesn’t mean kicking back is bad.
Dress the way you want. I’ve had it pointed out that I’m too old to wear Nikes. I was 27 when the Air Jordan was launched. I’m the authentic one, not these late-arrival sneaker buffs.
Listen to and see whatever music makes you feel good. As with Nikes, I was there in the formative days of rap and hip-hop. In 1982 I owned two versions of The Message, the original vinyl and then a limited edition US import. My vinyl collection tracked the evolution of rap. And punk. And rock. I keep an open mind.
Pay forward some of your experience in the harsh lessons from life. Not the aspirational and success-focused stuff. The hard stuff. Recognising someone with depression and asking how they are. Letting them know they are not alone. Floating some thoughts out there. The stuff that Tony Robbins doesn’t trumpet. The life lessons stuff.
The Secret Sauce
As you age, you will find your authentic self if you are open to reflection. You will like who you meet broadly. The things you don’t like, you will work on. But this will feel like an adventure, something new to explore. While life does come at you fast, it consistently presents opportunities. It’s not as though this is time simply slipping away.
You will realise that while being young is good, being old is also good because you will have the wisdom to help you interact with the world and not take yourself too seriously.
That weaknesses and character flaws are part of our identity will become apparent, and that’s OK. You will accept that other people are also flawed and become more empathetic. Knowing what to work on and then acting is rich stuff. Helping others to do the same; in a soft, empathetic way is a positive contribution too. Don’t be pushy. No one likes those who tell war stories – “Enough about you, let’s get back to me.”
My only piece of advice is to stay curious. If you do, getting old will be a treasure to you. [...]
July 20, 2023Off The Drugs
It’s been an odd couple of weeks in my recovery process. I tapered off the serious painkillers and am on ibuprofen and paracetamol only. This had two effects. Firstly my sleep has become quite fractured, and I’m struggling to reach six hours a night, often five hours. Secondly, I’m feeling “new injuries.” For example, my left ribs were severely broken, but my right side ribs are sore post-painkillers. Overcompensating? – who knows? Hitting the gym has been in my mental plan. Was this the week or a step too far?
You may know by now that exercise and my mental health are closely linked. Lack of sleep, feeling odd being tapered off hard drugs, and lack of exercise have messed with my mind. It’s been a tough few days.
Anniversaries
It’s exactly two years today since my mental health was at its lowest ever ebb. Reflecting, I realise that I also had an appointment this day two years ago due to a torn knee meniscus. Again, mind and body can come together and double down. When you’re down, you can really be down.
But also, I have worked hard for two years on my mental health. I’ve had excellent professional health and great people around me too. It’s been a life-affirming experience, and recent times have seen me feeling better than I have ever felt. And feeling optimistic about the next chapter of my life.
I can live with a few down days because I have a tried and tested toolkit to move me through it to the sunnier uplands.
Hitting The Gym
Apologies for the loud music, but I was compelled to report directly from the scene of the crime.
The nature of my injuries has seen me progress slowly, with careful supervision from Stephen Davies of Real Health London. But with every week, progress. Until a week ago when “new injuries” slowed me, and my mood dropped. Have I been pushing too hard? – I don’t think so. Indeed the opposite has been true in the last week.
I decided to get disciplined again and back into my good habits. Writing my journal. Breathing. Mobility work. The stuff that serves me well. The one groove I am not back into is meditation. I had sat for 1,273 consecutive days at the time of my accident. A spell in the hospital put paid to that streak. I haven’t had one session since, as it’s impossible to get the mindset straight with pain niggling away from my ribs. Very soon, I will start a new streak at day one.
The Big Dumbells
I wandered off to my favourite Gymbox in Farringdon for a workout. It felt a little surreal, given it’s been eight weeks since I went there. Walking down the steel steps to the basement was a dream-like experience for reasons I couldn’t understand.
Ten minutes on the Wattbike to test my hip; all good. Then my lower body mobility and bodyweight exercises, and again, it went well. I picked up a two-kilogram dumbbell for the upper body and did three sets of front raises. Then three sets of dumbbell bench presses with the same two-kilo weight.
The bench presses felt as good as setting a personal best. I saw another lifter giving me the side-eye. The “What’s this old fool doing, lifting that tiny weight?” He doesn’t know me. As David Goggins would say, “You don’t know me, son.” Never has such a small weight generated so many endorphins.
What Next?
Hitting the gym, there will be more. My physio has given me clearance to train in a tight set of exercises for the coming weeks. I cannot tell you my joy. The level of muscle wastage I have is shocking, and I’m sure it’s the source of a lot of the pain I’m feeling presently.
I’m a stubborn and largely self-deprecating type. I have refused to accept my body has undergone a major trauma. All my close confidantes and medical advisors have told me this, and I’ve brushed it off. The last weeks have felt like forever and no time at all. A couple of wise owls told me there would be a mental barrier to overcome, and this last week has illustrated that to me in Technicolor.
Onwards. Always. [...]
July 16, 2023Off The Serious Drugs
Cold turkey for me. I’m in an odd place now, things are going well, but it’s also challenging.
Allow me to explain. I’ve spent six weeks on Fentanyl, ketamine, morphine, Gabapentin, ibuprofen, and paracetamol. While they have been ramping down, I decided two days ago to stop altogether. Racking headaches, can’t sleep, and other non-injured parts of my body hurt, for example, the non-broken ribs on the right; I assume I have been overcompensating and have thrown some things out of kilter. No turning back now.
Getting The Right Kit To Underpin Recovery
Stepping up the physio. I’m not feeling too bad with the hip joint and pelvic fractures. But one of the rib breaks is like a hot coal, and the collarbone falls into the ‘delicate if moved one degree the wrong way’ category.
I’ve got unbelievably generous help from Naomi Clarkson, a former colleague who now works for Wahoo Fitness. She had a Kickr indoor trainer delivered to my home, so I that can mobilise my hip and get some cardio going. I also invested in the TRX Weighted Vest to help add some weight to my physio and to up the ante on my Parliament Hill walk.
Goal Setting
In critical care, I set myself a goal to ride a bike before the end of July. Still on for it. It will be on my Brompton, and it will be a short ride, but it will be done.
The journey continues to be a blessing for me. New people met, friendships deepened, and layers of self-knowledge accumulated. Yesterday I had the delight of meeting members of the Lagos-based Pitstop Community who were in town, and it was an honour to meet Iboroma Akpana, Aminadab Allen, and Preye John Dede.
Hopefully, the cold turkey phase is rapidly being left behind me. I’ll push on. Let’s go. Allez. Andiamo. Vamos. Yallah. [...]
Welcome To My Blog …
Welcome to my blog. It’s mainly about my mental and physical health in the context of ageing well. I’m 66, and that’s when my parents, grandparents, and broader family would suffer serious health issues. Indeed, with the odd exception, we have been a three-score and ten-ish family regarding longevity. But we don’t have to accept this, given advances in medicine and the broader health and wellness space.
After much time not taking it seriously, I look after my health more. Time streaming past, and a sense of mortality can do that to you. I have spent a lot of time working on my mental health. I have been depressed and anxious for as long as I can remember. The last dozen or so years have been particularly challenging. I realised during this last period that mental health and physical wellness are very much linked, and I advocate a more rounded approach to health.
Being Open About Mental Health
I chose to be open about my mental health a few years ago and started being open about it, mainly through this blog. It has been disseminated widely through my social media pages, and my blog posts on mental health have been well received. However, I have gone further in the past three years and discussed my mental health with many people in my personal and professional spheres. And the more we talk about it, the less taboo it will become.
The prime purpose of my blog is to portray my mental health journey and hope it helps one person. Undoubtedly, giving just one person a nugget of advice is worth it. I blog about physical and general wellness, too. I believe the whole human functioning well is essential to good mental health.
The Glide Path
I’m on the glide path to the final destination; that’s a fact. While I may die in the morning, equally, I may live for another twenty years. On the one hand, a sliver of time left; on the other, I must remember fifteen or twenty years is a long time. I’m excited about the chapter that’s still to play out. Therefore, a secondary purpose of my blog is to diarise my ageing process. I’m not really for gradually retreating into a waiting room of routine and a silent and grey fading of my spirit. So long as I’m breathing, I intend to remain curious. In time, it will end, and I don’t dictate those terms. Until then, I’ll be searching. Ageing well is key. For sure, we never stand in one spot; we are either going forward or going backwards. Forward.
Classic @markpowellbespoke top coat and @lockhatters Homburg
📷 @mishaminoff
First 24 hour fast. The body handles it well. But the brain just gets bored in the end and wants to eat; or the survival lizard brain gives the order. #intermittentfasting #fasting
First 24 hour fast. The body handles it well. But the brain just gets bored in the end and wants to eat; or the survival lizard brain gives the order. #intermittentfasting #fasting
I went on the first march in my 66 years yesterday. Against antisemitism. I think there is a huge human tragedy in the Middle East. Hamas are terrorists and have killed innocents in the most brutal way. The corrupt, right-wing Netanyahu government is killing innocents too.
But this is no reason for antisemitism. Sadly, it’s always there, just beneath the surface. It has repeated itself again and again throughout history.
The march was peaceful. A regular chant of “bring them home” rippling through the crowd. The only remote sign of any unrest being a right wing walking PR machine arrested near the start of the rally.
I’m not a Jew. But I wanted to march. The war needs to end, the hostages need to come home, innocents in Gaza must not be murdered. Pro-Palestinian and antisemitism protests must not be hijacked by extremists, and propaganda which misleads young people must be shown as hateful.
And antisemitism must be rendered impotent in our world. It has been a tragedy for Jews and a smear on our species for far too long.
#standuptojewishhate #stopantisemitismnow
I went on the first march in my 66 years yesterday. Against antisemitism. I think there is a huge human tragedy in the Middle East. Hamas are terrorists and have killed innocents in the most brutal way. The corrupt, right-wing Netanyahu government is killing innocents too.
But this is no reason for antisemitism. Sadly, it’s always there, just beneath the surface. It has repeated itself again and again throughout history.
The march was peaceful. A regular chant of “bring them home” rippling through the crowd. The only remote sign of any unrest being a right wing walking PR machine arrested near the start of the rally.
I’m not a Jew. But I wanted to march. The war needs to end, the hostages need to come home, innocents in Gaza must not be murdered. Pro-Palestinian and antisemitism protests must not be hijacked by extremists, and propaganda which misleads young people must be shown as hateful.
And antisemitism must be rendered impotent in our world. It has been a tragedy for Jews and a smear on our species for far too long.
#standuptojewishhate #stopantisemitismnow
Big milestone in my 365-day training challenge.
I`ve mixed up cycling, gym, Kickr, TRX weighted vest, ATG Zero, and now I’ve laced on running shoes.
I almost missed one day when a flight was delayed but was doing ATG Zero in my hotel room at 11:40 that night.
I don’t count walking and I don’t count mobility. I has been as short as 15 minutes on travel days, but it’s still training.
Body weight has only dropped 3 pounds, but muscle mass is +8%
#keepgrinding #neverfinished #neverstop #youdontknowme
Big milestone in my 365-day training challenge.
I`ve mixed up cycling, gym, Kickr, TRX weighted vest, ATG Zero, and now I’ve laced on running shoes.
I almost missed one day when a flight was delayed but was doing ATG Zero in my hotel room at 11:40 that night.
I don’t count walking and I don’t count mobility. I has been as short as 15 minutes on travel days, but it’s still training.
Body weight has only dropped 3 pounds, but muscle mass is +8%
#keepgrinding #neverfinished #neverstop #youdontknowme
Stepped out of the door and got a call from Capo @cycledoutoflockdown … stepped back in and went for @wahoofitnessofficial #kickr session instead. #wahoo #wahooligan
Stepped out of the door and got a call from Capo @cycledoutoflockdown … stepped back in and went for @wahoofitnessofficial #kickr session instead. #wahoo #wahooligan
Out with people more my age last evening. Talking about the prejudices society lays on you once the mid-fifties onwards chapter appears. (Don’t brush it off, it’s here in a heartbeat!) I admire Jama’s style and verve. Maybe I should be bolder.
📸@mishaminoff
Out with people more my age last evening. Talking about the prejudices society lays on you once the mid-fifties onwards chapter appears. (Don’t brush it off, it’s here in a heartbeat!) I admire Jama’s style and verve. Maybe I should be bolder.
📸@mishaminoff
Going through changes. New phase, new training space. Hello to @thirdspacelondon goodbye @gymboxofficial – staying the same? Grinding out the work.
#stayhard #neverstop #keepgrinding
Going through changes. New phase, new training space. Hello to @thirdspacelondon goodbye @gymboxofficial – staying the same? Grinding out the work.
#stayhard #neverstop #keepgrinding
I’m at an event sponsored by this company. I don’t know even know where to start. #death #deathrowchronicles
I’m at an event sponsored by this company. I don’t know even know where to start. #death #deathrowchronicles
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